Friday, June 12, 2009

I love this country

This morning while Elden and I were riding up the Alpine Loop, I was more than once awestruck at the beauty that surrounded me. Massive peaks, still cloaked with snow, gave way to lush, green forests laced with waterfalls and streams, bursting with whitewater from the massive spring runoff.

And then some jackass in a 1995 camaro gunned his motor, once to let us know he was there, once more to get around us, and then a third time, once around, to show us that cars do, in fact, go uphill faster than bicycles. I think we may have delayed him for all of three seconds from his important date with the handful of twenty-something single men, all of whom live with their parents and don’t have girlfriends, that he rides ATV’s with on Friday mornings.

Judging by the Jiffy Lube shop shirt he was wearing, he’s a high-powered corporate type whose time is precious, so naturally I felt horrible about keeping him, however briefly, from his rare and precious free time. Perhaps the half gallon of gasoline he burned in his display of importance as he went around made up the three lost seconds. I genuinely hope so.

Here’s the thing, though. I love that road. And no matter how many of these jerks I encounter, I’m not going to stop riding it. I love that the road is even there. Because it’s not a thoroughfare to anywhere—that road exists for the sole purpose of providing recreation opportunities for the American people on publicly-owned land. That’s pretty awesome if you ask me.

The not awesome part is that hillbilly douchebags are in such a hurry to do whatever it is that they want to do that they can’t be bothered to share the road with bicycles.

Of course as the bitchin’ camaro went around, I gave him a friendly wave. Elden saw that I gestured but didn’t see what it was and asked if I flipped him off. “No, I said. I just waved. I’m pretty passive-aggressive about this stuff. I always wave when they’re around, but if I see his car parked later in the ride, I’ll stop and pee on it.”

When we got buzzed again on our way up the hill going home, I also decided to add a valve core remover to my underseat bag.


  1. and that guy wasn't the only one who honked. there was the SUV and Lebaron that honked as they went by EVEN THOUGH THEY HAD A COMPLETELY OPEN LANE to our left.

  2. Who even drives a Lebaron anyway?

  3. GK, the friendly "hey, I'm behind you honks" these were not. These were the malicious "how dare you be on MY road" kind.

  4. Since I mostly ride in-city this triple rev display is usually used to accomplish one of two very important things:

    1. To allow the very important person to catch up to the line of cars just ahead of us.

    2. To get the very important person into the line of cars waiting at the red light.

    Oh, and I give these very important drivers a big thumbs-up as they pass. Also, if you have enough time, you don't need a valve core remover, just a screwdriver will do. Not that I would ever do something like that myself.

  5. Small hex head wrench works nicely too. The kind that are part of a multi too. Not that I would know anything about this.

  6. I really do not enjoy honkers. I walk around my city and it never ceases to amaze me how angry people get if they have to use their steering wheel on a quite deserted road. The angrier they get the funnier I think it is.

    Now, I really need to go get my Lady J.

  7. Probably one of my favorite posts. Passive-aggressive is always more fun. Especially when you get to pee on something that belongs to someone else!

  8. I paid good money for that Camaro. I own the horn too, and will honk it all I want.

    And my tires are filled with Fix-a-flat, so you'll get a big surprise if you remove the valve core.