Friday, August 28, 2009

Back to school night

I've never known any strippers. I heard rumors that one of my sister's friends took it up after high school to pay her way through college. But since I was 14 at the time, I had no way to legally verify this.

After high school, a bunch of guys pitched in to hire a stripper for another friend before he shipped off to Navy boot camp. I wasn't actually present, though, because the girl I had a crush on at the time asked me before the "show" began whether I was actually going to stick around.

"Of course not," I said. And sat in the hotel lobby with her (hi, Kim!).

I bring this up simply as context for what I'm going to say next. Because I have no basis for my assertions, being wholly unfamiliar as I am with the behavior of strippers.

However, if I were to imagine how strippers are when they're not on the job, I imagine them being a certain way. And perhaps dressing a certain way. And that way is not how my wife or mom or sisters or most of my neighbors (except for one) typically dress.

So imagine my surprise when I take my son to his first day of kindergarten yesterday, and several of the moms were dressed how I imagine strippers dress on their days off. Maybe I'm uptight or prudish, or maybe that's how it is these days, or maybe it's just a Utah thing, because the moms certainly did not dress that way when we dropped our older daughter off for kindergarten in Idaho.

I went off to work thinking that it was an aberration, a fluke, an oddity of that particular morning and that particular kindergarten class. And then last night I took the kids to back-to-school night. I know the economy is bad and all, but if all these moms are supplementing the family income by working at a strip club, I'm trying to figure out where. Night Moves in Boise had "dancers wanted" on the marquee on our way to the trailhead Saturday. But last I checked, there were no strip clubs in Highland, Utah. Either that, or I just don't know about them. Maybe I should go on more of these night rides everyone is talking about.

14 comments:

  1. I have known strippers, It was the 90's and in Kentucky maybe some campfire stories are warranted, or not.

    They dress in every day life just like everyone else, some dress normally, some don't.

    One of my good friends was valedictorian of her class in College and proceeded to become a stripper, something about cash and economies of scale, made sense at the time.

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  2. It's a well-known fact that the Moms in Utah dress like tramps. Especially when they've been taking a wee dram of the iced tea... ;)

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  3. Rachel - Anytime. Although, I had no idea I had any influence. I just thought Mark was one of the only upstanding men in the group.

    Mark - Seriously, I was so naive in high school and dumbfounded they had actually hired a stripper. It's a good thing I was there...you would hate to have those images locked in your head, wouldn't you? ;)

    As for the stripper moms, I am quite often at a loss myself. I wonder, where do they think they are going? Do they really think kindergarteners are the best appreciators of cleavage?

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  4. Kim, it obviously didn't take a lot of persuading. When I saw her walk down the hall, fully clothed, I was glad not to be in there. There are certain things you might want to see and certain things you're pretty sure you don't. She was the latter.

    As for the kindergarten moms, some people just like attention. Not that bloggers aren't the pot calling the kettle black here, it's just a question of methods. I'm just disappointed I didn't use my "have the kids pose for a picture so I can take a picture of the person behind them" trick.

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  5. Monday was my Daughter's first day of Jr High School. I was going to post something similar. There were 3 or 4 Draper Mommies that looked like they were paying their way through college. Lets just say I am fairly sure I could throw a grape 40 yards and land it in the clevage. The Wifey only punched me once. Then she started making fun of them too.

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  6. You did sign up to volunteer, right? Sounds like a great year to get involved in the classroom and help the other class "Moms" plan parties.

    Rachel will never suspect a thing. (Wait, she reads this blog, doesn't she.) :)

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  7. My kids so go to the wrong school.

    (My word verification is "nomen", somehow strangely appropriate for a post about strippers...)

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  8. It's a Draper thing. Seriously, Draper has become the trophy wife capital of Utah.

    I eat lunch at the Cafe Rio on 123rd a few times a month and my coworkers and I have all commented on the women there. Were they abducted from Rodeo Drive?

    You take the good with the bad. Suncrest has excellent cycling, but you have to suffer the stripper mom blight. I feel for you.

    Hey, dug, has your neighbor had any more hot tub parties?

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  9. Kris, the kids go to school in Highland. The Suncrest moms don't typically dress that way, and I don't think any of my neighbors drive Escalades. These folks are all from Alpine or Highland. I won't argue that you won't find the same stuff on the other side of the ridge in Draper, though.

    As for "the good with the bad" comment, some might argue it's the good with the good. Just a matter of perspective.

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  10. As a former stripper, I'd like to pipe up about what we wear when we're not working! I was a sweats and t-shirt girl when I walked out of the club (men wouldn't even recognize me as my normal self).

    Oh! And StupidBike, I thought you were talking about me at first, but I did it the other way around...I was a stripper first, THEN valedictorian of my college class. Seriously.

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  11. Other places you might notice a few of these gals include Lifetime Fitness, where the outdoor pool area gets more use as a catwalk for Bikini's, high heels, and recent renovation work, and the low profile, but just as beguiling Harmons in Draper.

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